Refusing to do just about ANYTHING you ask

[Arrien]

Anyone know what to do in terms of discipline when it comes to a 4.5year old just refusing point blank to do anything you ask/tell her to do, ie. get into pyjamas or clothes, tidy her mess, stop jumping on you, etc? We resort to confiscating her DVDs but I'm sure that compounds the problem...I hate spanking.

[Loco_001]

I know in this day and age you are not supposed to spank your kids, I know in the good ol USA the kids actually take their parents to court for this. But what are these children growing up to be? IIldisciplined, no respect for anyone, pregnant teenagers, drug abuse?
When I was a kid and I did something wrong, my mom gave me a good hiding, most of which I still remember to this day.It taught me a lot of good lessons in life. It taught me my own personal niche in the home and if I overstepped the boundaries, AH OH.
My mum is now 82 and I still wouldn't dream of doing anything to encourage her wrath. She taught me discipline, respect,honesty and patience.
Your child is testing you! And if you dont lay down the law sometime or other you will lose the battle.

[Seahorse12]

A naughty step would be a good solution as suitable punishment. I know your frustration as I have a 16 month old and 3yr old adopted kids and i'm a little rusty at parenting as my son is 21yrs old. Buy a cheap plastic step and place it in the corner of a boring room like the bathroom. each time the child misbehaves, lead them straight to the naughty step and make her/him stand on it and face the wall silently for 5mins. If they get off the step before the time is up, then make them get back on the step and start the time all over again. They will soon learn that listening to what they been asked to do is better than standing on the naughty step. Apparently, you use 1min per the child's age, example if a child is two yrs old, then 2mins on the step etc...

[Loco_001]

How do you keep them on the step??? Sounds like a long nights vigil to me. On 10 sec off 1 minute, on 5 sec, off 2 minutes, lots of bawling. On 15 seconds, and so on. Do you add up all the seconds or do you perservere all night to keep them there for their alloted 2 minutes.?

[Seahorse12]

careful training and they WILL learn to stay on the step a full 5mins, Loco58, it's common sense, girl!

[Loco_001]

Yes, I understand that. But how is that going to help ARRIEN who'se little girl simply refuses point blank? and doing it without a good spanking.

[Seahorse12]

punishment and discipline has to start from a very young age in order to work. A child needs to learn that they are not in charge but the parent is. If you give a child any form of small leeway, they will ride on that. Never shift the gole posts when punishing, ever!

[Loco_001]

Hellooooo Arrien!!! are you reading any of this? We are trying to help and you are not commenting

[thulimc]

Im a new mom. Well my baby is 18months old now. An the question of discipline has been haunting me for quite some tym now. Cos I feel lyk some parents were able 2 raise proper kids without spanking but I got a spank and I don go around killing ppl. But u don wanna spank....Anyway u say u tried taking away luxury items etc. How soon after do you actually give them back? Why does a 4.5yr old have DVDs??? Does he/ she not go to play school? Try buying the child actual toys that stimulate learning and let them go outside and get dirty! Too much TV has been proven to create little monsters of our angels...Im not judging u BUT u have given your child too much freedom.

[John Rawson]

Confuscius say " Happy families make happy children "

as you sow..so shall you reap...nice posting however ill - mannered children are bred by ill - mannered parents...problematic children have been bred by troublesome marriages...and so on..

Its like the driver blaming the car for his accident..its usually the c...t behind the wheel...

Im not being funny.....but....treat the cause and not the problem..

We too quick to run to the doctor when something is wrong..he asks us what is wrong then tells us what to take..instead of preventing it ( the cause ) in the first place..we land up treating it ( the problem )..

[Intimacy Coach]

In my many 'moons' of coaching couples and single parents (and those who are divorced who look after the kids every other week-end and holiday) I can share this with you....
NOTHING assists a parent or child in a happy communion as much as consistency.
When couples have inconsistent rules and boundaries then they probably won't provide consistent rules and boundaries for the kid(s).
If parents react differently to a repeated behaviour from their child, eg. one it's OK but then the next day it's wrong then the child grows in confusion and their behaviour will be equally erratic.

Always be true to your word. If you say you're going to do something, or define a rule... do it! If you lie, or break your agreements, you will undermine yourself and recovery will be a slow deliberate set of behaviours.

My recommendation is observe yourself and be consistently deliberate in your behaviour, rules and boundaries. You'll reap the rewards.

There are specific techniques for different circumstances so let me know if you have anything specific.

ALWAYS remember... keep things simple! You, your partners and the kid(s) will reap the benefits.

[Loco_001]

This works just as well when training puppies.
They are just as clever as kids when it comes to recognising that you keep changing the rules.

[John Rawson]

Pavlov's dog theory...

[suzannah-jane]

The Formidable four's? worse than the terrible two's!
Reverse psychology works like a dream. Do the opposite to what she expects, or wants
Stop asking/telling her to do anything for the next few weeks,stop being ' Mommy who just sommer does it all' - ignore or refuse her requests for you do something for her.
let her sleep in her clothes-don't even mention a bath, leave her to dress herself the next day or leave her in the same clothes as yesterday (make no comment-others will do that for you), leave her room to build up into a huge mess (close her door everytime you walk past...and say Yuk!....) jump and sit on her suddenly at all the most inappropriate times, specially when she playing with a friend or involved in something she's concentrating on, gather up all her mess she leaves in the rest of your house and leave it in a pile on her bed, or bedroomfloor.What also works like a charm is when she's up to mischief, join in heartily and make whatever it is worse !! really worse so she will ask you to please stop!
It won't take long - and she will stop testing you to see who's boss...........

[thulimc]